


The DADA Teachers

by RJLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Broadway, Comedy, Curses, Dark Arts, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Filk, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Parody, Post - Order of the Phoenix, Pre-Half-Blood Prince, Professors, Reviews, Singing, Song Lyrics, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:32:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2435510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJLupin/pseuds/RJLupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry, Ron, and Hermione reminisce about their many, many Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers and why they all left. A song filk to "Gee, Officer Krupke" from West Side Story.</p><p>Gee Professor Dumble, now everyone thinks<br/>The Defense Against Dark Arts job has got to be jinxed</p>
            </blockquote>





	The DADA Teachers

**Author's Note:**

> "The DADA Teachers" filked to the tune of "Gee, Officer Krupke" from West Side Story. Worth noting that I used the film version. Originally filked in June 2005 (although it was started in 2004 and took me over a year to finally complete)

_SCENE: Harry, Ron, and Hermione sit around 12 Grimmauld Place, when they suddenly start thinking about when they return to Hogwarts, they'll have another DADA teacher. They begin to review all the one's they've had before, and as they get to the teacher, when the teacher sings, they appear as a sort of ghost-like memory figure_  
  
 **RON:**  (spoken)  
You know, when we go back, we're gonna have another new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.  
 **HERMIONE:**  (spoken)  
Yes, that's true. They come and go so fast!  
 **HARRY:**  (spoken)  
Yeah. Anyone remember Quirrell?  
 **HERMIONE:**  (spoken)  
How could we forget?  
 **RON:**  (spoken)  
You know what? All of our Defense teacher's have affected our school year a lot and have had some big horrible secret! Let's go through them...  
  
 **QUIRRELL:**  
I was a young foolish man  
Until I knew the way  
And then I went to Hogwarts  
And taught Dark Arts by day  
Then Harry Potter found out  
You-Know-Who's in my head  
Love he fought with  
That's why I am dead!  
  
 **HARRY, RON and HERMIONE:**  
Well, Quirrell had always been such a weird guy  
He's stuttering each day and we had never known why  
But we found out when his  
Turban came apart  
He's bad and then we got Lockhart  
  
 **HERMIONE:**  (a little too excitedly)  
Got Lockhart!  
 **HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE:**  
Got Lockhart, got Lockhart  
Got taught by Lockhart  
We were taught by Gilderoy Lockhart!  
  
 **LOCKHART:**  
I was famous all about  
I lied, nobody knew  
When Harry and Ron found out  
I knew what I must do  
But Ron's wand had backfired  
That I did not beseech  
Lost my mem'ry  
That's why I can't teach!  
  
 **HARRY and RON:**  (as Hermione scowls at them)  
Lockhart was always such a self-absorbed snob  
And it is still a wonder how he had got the job  
Deserved what he got since  
He had been lyin'  
And then the next year we got Lupin  
  
 **HERMIONE:**  
Got Lupin!  
 **HARRY, RON and HERMIONE:**  
Got Lupin, got Lupin  
Got taught by Lupin  
We were taught by Remus J. Lupin!  
  
 **LUPIN:**  
My robes were patched and shabby  
But nobody would care  
They loved my lessons fully  
Excited to be there  
Then all had found my secret  
I'd hoped no one would find  
I'm a werewolf  
That's why I resigned!  
  
 **HARRY, RON and HERMIONE:**  
Lupin's the best teacher that we'll ever know  
It made us really sad that we had to see him go  
But since he transformed  
Wanted to leave quickly  
The next year we got Mad-Eye Moody  
  
 **HERMIONE:**  
Got Moody!  
 **HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE:**  
Got Moody, got Moody  
Got taught by Moody  
We were taught then by Mad-Eye Moody!  
  
 **IMPOSTER!MOODY:**  
I was a famous Auror  
The students were in awe  
I made Malfoy a ferret  
They loved just what they saw  
My plan was really brilliant  
But I ran out of luck  
I'm a faker  
That's why my soul's sucked!  
  
 **HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE:**  
Yep  
With Mad-Eye teaching we really had fun  
It's just too bad he really was Barty Crouch's son  
He helped Voldemort (You-Know-Who)  
But was gone in a smidge  
Then the next year we got Umbridge  
  
Damn Umbridge!  
Got Umbridge, got Umbridge  
Got "taught" by Umbridge  
We were tortured by Dolores Umbridge!  
  
 **UMBRIDGE:**  
Now sit and study theories!  
No magic should arise!  
This Potter boy is weary!  
He's clearly telling lies!  
As the High Inquisitor  
New decrees start today!  
 **HARRY, RON, and HERMIONE:**  
Luckily centaurs ran her away!  
  
Professor Dumble  
Now ev'ryone thinks  
The Defense Against Dark Arts job has got to be jinxed  
What do we do when they all disappear?  
  
 _(Dumbledore himself appears before the kids, making them all jump slightly, because he had been standing there the whole time listening)_  
  
 **DUMBLEDORE:**  
You'll get a new teacher  
Next year!


End file.
